The brave decision: I stop tipping

Long ago I worked as a waitress in a tourist restaurant in New Orleans with an old black waiter named Gaynor. He had many years of seniority and the main way he used it was to hand off to the rest of us any tables of people he thought were poor tippers: mainly any groups of women, the French, and his fellow African-Americans. "You take the jungle bunnies!" he would say, waving his hand dismissively. "I have a family." I found his behavior deeply shocking and called up my mother to talk about it.

But she shocked me again by saying that she didn't believe in tipping at all. It made people servile, she said, and everyone should receive a living wage anyway. "But we don't!" I said.

I was happy that she changed her opinion, or at least began to tip, once she started working again and had to eat out a lot. In the U.S., waiters and waitresses depend on their tips for their income, as they usually do not make the minimum wage without them.

I often think of my mother's anti-tip argument these days. The service is included in France, 15 % on the restaurant bill, which means no nasty surprises (if you're bad at math) at the end of the meal; but most Americans I know here still tip. How much is a puzzler: do you leave enough extra to make 20%, the amount many people pay in New York City these days? Do you leave a couple of euros, or a fiver? or do you just round up the change?

When I asked my French friends, almost all of them said, "I don't leave anything." Some of them made exceptions for really grand restaurants ("At the Grand Véfour, you must leave something more. But you won't be paying, you're a woman. You will get the menus with no prices"). But on the whole, they all seemed to think that 15% was quite enough.

So in the past few weeks, I've been trying an experiment. I bravely leave nothing at most cafés. At the beginning, only in places where no one knew me, to see the reaction.

....Nothing. Still the same smile, the same friendly "Au revoir, Madame!"

What about the second time I went back? Would there be any difference? Non! The third? The waiters and waitresses were just as pleasant as ever.

In France, being a waiter is a career, with a living wage. Not an easy life, necessarily, but you get health benefits and a pension and a six-week vacation each year.

I've done it. I've become French! I don't tip!

Comments

[nat]

Hi Sedulia!
I am French, and I think it is more polite to tip, but only a small amount, and only when I want to mean that I was satisfied with the service...
usually, for a coffee I leave 50 cts €, and in a standard restaurant 3 or 4 euros.
I tip the 'shampooineuse' too at the hairdresser's, don't you?

[Sedulia]

Hi Nat,

Oh dear-- I don't want to be radin. I always tip at the hairdresser-- actually way too much. They really like me there. [http://www.ruerude.com/2006/03/stormy_weather_.html]

[LA Frog]

From what I understand, in the U.S. waiters are taxed on an income which includes their wages + 15% for tips, regardless of whether they get the tips or not, so you're kind of obliged to tip.

In France, it's different, service is included in the prices, so tipping is not "compulsory", it's just a nice gesture [like Nat, I usually leave a small tip from the change].

Americans I know find it difficult not to tip when in France; they feel ashamed, but they shouldn't be. Similarly, I should have felt ashamed when I first moved to the U.S. [I'm French], and would not tip when I found the food or service bad...until I was told by friends that it was "unusual", meaning rude/"radin". Now, I tip 15% when food/service are ok, and more if they're really good.

[nicole_gt]

My french husband has told me to always leave something small at a cafe (50 centimes max) and a few euro at restuarants. I remember once when I was in an office with mainly French people and we had a delivery in the cold rain of January. Instead of giving my tip money (plus the general extra money everyone overpaid) to the delivery boy who really deserved it, they divided up the money among everyone. I was shocked that they were that radin.
I like tipping, when it is a gesture to say that I appreciated the good service. In the States, I find it excessive. I hate being obliged to leave 15-20% for every single meal, regardless of quality or service. I would much rather that it be automatically added on and the waiters be paid a regular wage. Clearly I am becoming too French.

Superfrenchie recently wrote a post about 4 Frenchmen who went to a NYC restaurant which automatically added an (illegal) 18% gratuity to their bill, for fear that, being French, they wouldn't tip (sic!) Amusing story and thread of comments here: http://superfrenchie.com/?p=1146#comments

[maitresse]

I tip once more, after a period of not tipping. I'll leave something small, like 30 centimes, if I've just had coffee and up to five euros for dinner, and have seen my (french, tipping) boyfriend leave up to 20 in a nice restaurant...

[Sylvain]

Hello there, nice blog. Cant recall how I found your blog anyway; let me just had my 2 cent to this conversation. Im french as well; and I also tip and sometimes I don't. Tipping for me is ALWAYS related to performance, achievement. I always leave yellow coins when in a bar because they're "just" yellow coins. But at the hairdresser, if I have an extra head massage or if I really like my new hair style, I will leave something for sure. Again at the restaurant tip IS ONLY RELATED to the way they served me, if they deserved it, then they'll get something. If I have waited for too long, if the waiter did not pay us attention or was rude etc then I wont leave anything! Usually when it happens it's funny that the waiter tends to become pleasant only at the very end of the diner!.. Like you said 15% is already included in the price you pay, then anything negative to your eating experience would end up without tipping.. quite an easy and fair rule.

[Ana Mouse]

In the USA waiters pay taxes that assume they earn 8% of the meal cost, and some do earn that much in tips, but many don't.

I have about the same education level as most waiters, (High School Diploma), and work just as hard, (landscaping); and think it’s ridiculous that some people think waiters deserve to be paid so much.

If I could earn $50,000 a year without sweating in the hot sun for 8 to 10 hours a day, 5 to 7 days a week I would gladly wait on tables.

Don’t complain when people leave you a $5 tip on a $50 bill, after you said good evening, took their order, checked once to see if they wanted anything else and brought them the bill. US government labor statistics say those who think waiters average 15% are dreaming because they actually seem to earn far less an hour and a year than they would if that was true. There’s a reason why so few waiters have college degrees.

Half the waiters where I live are students who do it part time so they can get a good education and then get a real good paying job. If you want a better job, do what I am trying to do; go back to school and get a job that really does pay well.

[Tom]

What I don't understand is how waiters and waitresses can whine and complain all day that people don't understand that they don't make a living wage in America without tips blah blah but don't move to DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. It's the restaurant owners that are at fault for this...I have never understood why the responsibility for paying restaurant employees should be bared by the dining public...it's ludacris!

[enuff is enuff]

I totally agree with the previous bloggers comments. Why do we continue to pay for their wages when it's the employers responsibility. The owners continue to get richer and laughing at us behind our backs as we continue to pay their staff wages while they profit more. Pay them decent wages! I don't have a problem if they even increase the cost of the meals but stop expecting is to subsidize the wages!!!