Who was rude?

A had given me her two throwaway cameras, and this morning I took them to the photo place where I always go.

A lot of people were ahead of me in line, and my heart sank when I heard the clerk say to each of them, "The film will be ready tomorrow." A was hoping to get her pictures before we left for the airport.

"Not today?" each person would say.

"Non. Demain matin, Monsieur. Tomorrow morning."

But when it was my turn I waited till the shop was empty and asked anyway. "Would it be possible to have these before three o'clock?"

"Mais bien sûr! We will have it for you in one hour, at 11h30." He wrote me out a little receipt but said, "You don't really need this. On vous connaît! We know you!"

The rewards of fidelité.

At the airport, I was at the ticket counter when a middle-aged American woman in teal nylon pants and large white sneakers strode into the office and asked in a loud voice:"WHERE'S THE TRANSFER DESK?"

The faces of the ticket agents turned to stone and no one looked up at her or answered. She stood there for a minute looking so dismayed and overwrought that I took pity on her. I went over, hoping it would help, and said in a low voice, "I think the desk is back there. You know, in France, you always have to say hello before you ask anything. They think you're being rude if you don't, and they'll be rude back to you." She nodded distractedly.

"They sent me over here! HELLO!" she called out from the middle of the floor to an agent, as loudly as before. "WHERE IS THE TRANSFER DESK?" He gestured dismissively and turned away. She stood for a minute, anxiously looking into the unfriendly faces, then ran out the door again.

Her behavior seemed so rude to me now, but I well remember being scolded in the same way by a supermarket employee in my first few months here. "They don't say 'hello' or 'excuse me' where you come from?" he said, before answering my question.

I was mystified and furious. Of course, in the U.S. it's perfectly normal to walk up to someone and ask a question!

Now I understand, too, what seemed the breathtaking rudeness of a Galeries Lafayette employee to me back then. She thought I was rude. I realize that now.

I had gone up to her as I would have in the States, and began, "I'm looking for a skirt...."

Instead of listening politely, as I expected, the woman turned back to her conversation with her co-worker. She said over her shoulder, "Je n'ai aucune objection, Madame. Cherchez-la!" ["I have no objection, Madame! Go ahead and look!"]

Comments

[marco]

Sure, politeness is a wonderful thing, specially when it is shared by the vast majority. But there is another side to this coin, which is service. There is an asymmetry: you are paying, the other person is getting paid. In this respect, the minimum one can expect is to have clercks, shop-assistants, garcons, or whoever, attend the customer EVEN if the customer is rude.

I cannot count how many times I was in a hurry looking for something, asked a question directly to a clerk without saying "hello" and was clearly looked upon by the clerk at that minute. This is meaningless. A good way of reacting, from the clerk's viewpoint, is just simply to say hello with a smile and follow up the conversation naturally.

in paris nowadays, it seems that the customer has to be actually more polite than the clerk in order to hope for an average service (let's just simply not mention public administrations in paris). In japan, where i live, this is simply the opposite: customers are usually rude by french standards, while clerks are just simply amazingly caring for their customers. And any form of tip is rejected...

[The Bold Soul]

Your post today made me think about how I behave when I'm here in the U.S. and shopping or need to ask directions (in France I always say Hello or Excuse Me first because I know "the Rules"). Actually, when I think about it, I don't think I COULD walk up to a complete stranger and ask a question without prefacing it with "Hi" or "Excuse me". I think it would feel awkward to me to do it any other way. But I guess not all Americans do that? I never noticed before but I think I'll try an experiment for the next few weeks and observe others in stores to see how they behave. It's a bit depressing to think about... are we really that self-absorbed as a culture?

From Sedulia:

Everyone was teasing me about it in the States-- I can't enter or leave a store now without saying "hello" and "goodbye"! It seems so rude now!

[Mary]

I must say that I like the French way. Born and bred an American it would certainly take some getting used to but politeness and civility are NEVER out of place, even when one is waving money in a shop clerk's face.

As a person who is not rich and has had to work in the customer service sphere I see nothing wrong with expecting people with whom one deals to behave with civil humanity and acknowledge your role as a human being first, business facilitating unit second.

Customers demand to be treated a certain way because they have money, well perhaps they should remember that with a small display of human kindness they might be treated with respect regardless of what they can do for some anonymous business owner's coffers.

Otherwise...lay your wallet on the table and I will interact with IT as it is not seeking some psychological catharsis by playing the role of Edwardian first class passenger to my serving girl.

Yes, the French way seems to be a demand for respect first, money grubbing second. Sounds yummy.

[Dovid]

If I am in a customer service position, and I know that customers from country X do not say Bonjour before asking a question, I should simply take it in stride, and deal with them.