I have always had a weakness for books about the manners of different groups of people. I have a fairly large library of books like The Sloane Ranger Handbook (1982), Millicent Fenwick's Vogue's Book of Etiquette (which sold a million copies in 1948, and was praised by Evelyn Waugh), Who's Your Mama? (Cajuns) and Lutheran Church Basement Women (1992), which has apparently now been made into a musical.
Not only does it actually help you to know that in upper-class France, that favorite American phrase Bon appetit "ne se dit pas"*, as one book written by a French aristocrat told me (they don't say "enchanté" either), but you learn so much about any group from discovering what it considers polite behavior and hopelessly vulgar. In Japan, you're not supposed to blow
your nose in public. In Holland, you must serve coffee with a cookie. In California, inviting your friends for dinner means inviting their kids.
I'm not the only one who loves to learn about other forms of comme il faut. In 1965 a Japanese book called Take Ivy became a cult classic, inspiring designers for years. Written entirely in Japanese, it was nothing but photos of mid-sixties preppies at schools like Yale and Princeton and Brown. Apparently it "set off a style explosion" in Tokyo. The book has just been reissued in English.
So of course, when I got to France, I assembled a collection of useful books about the French. One of my favorites is my friend Polly Platt's book French or Foe, which (whatever you think of it) everyone reads, and another the 1985 book BCBG: le guide, by Thierry Mantoux (BCBG is a French preppie, only way more uptight). They are both still relevant and funny, especially when you live in my neighborhood.
The most useful thing about all these books is that they allow you to become aware of the codes people almost subconsciously live by. You, too. How do you roll your sleeves? Do you put cream in first? How do you sign your business letters? They're not just about the upper classes. This genre makes you realize that everyone is a snob in some way. In French books like Les beaufs [roughly "The Boors," from the abbrev' of "brother-in-law," or beau-frère) and English ones like Chav! A User's Guide to Britain's New Ruling Class, you learn to notice things you probably have seen a hundred times without understanding. Like, why is Burberry not cool in England, while a Lacoste shirt means racaille in France?
Nowadays they come online as well. Here's a recent BCBG guide to letter writing. I love how they begin with the Pope, kings and queens.
* is not said
I clicked on the letter writing guide and gave it a quick glance. When I noticed Monsieur le Préfect it brought back a funny memory. A French friend was helping me apply for a certain carte de séjour, and he had written "Monsieur le Préfect" at the top of the letter. My automatic question was, "but what if it's a woman?" With a smile that said, "what innocence" he replied that le Préfect is always a man. Ah la France. ;)
Posted by: Gina | 23 September 2010 at 10:17